i got smarts

looking back at my last post, it occurs to me that i think it is statistically impossible for devin's forfeits to affect ben's chances...UNLESS devin changes his mind and decides to play some of his games. so i'm not a total idiot. that's right blueballers, i'm not a total idiot. how's that for some shit talk...

my input on results

so many results have not yet been reported. what's up dudes? i believe i heard that shayna couldn't play her round 1 game against annalisa. are y'all rescheduling or is that a win for annalisa due to a forfeit? as for the matter of devin...ben, i have to disagree with you. as devin stated his intention to quit the league after the schedule was set, i believe that he is forfeiting his matches and each match that he does not play should count as a win for his opponent. further, it is my belief that ben's zeal to cross devin off of the schedule and to deny dev's opponents a win by forfeit, is a direct result of ben's fear that those wins may threaten his chances of taking the trophy. which brings me to wonder if perhaps we should get a trophy...

Theme song

Halle was good enough to write the chorus to my Racquetball theme song:

He's got the skills,
He's got the hustle,
He's got the strength,
He's got the drive!

Now I just need some verses. I'm thinking like a super funky 70s TV show theme song. With that guitar that goes, "wakka-chikka-wakka-chikka," and horns that make you shit.

Say hi to Ben Moral.
He's playing Racquetball.
If you need to get beat,
you can just give him a phone call.

Because his game is so tight
like his shorts -- outta sight
and he's got mad racquet steez
that give foes bad dreams at night

[chorus -- with gospel choir]

He's got the skills! (Skills!)
He's got the hustle! (Hustle!)
He's got the strength! (Strength!)
He's got the drive! (He'll drive you CRAZAAAAY!)


Pray you don't meet on the court;
he'll beat you at any racquet sport.
He talks such quality shit
that you will have no retort.

So take your racquet and ball
and hang 'em up in the hall
because with Ben in the league
you may as well not play at all!

[chorus]

Yeah. That'll do.

Welcome to flinch town.

First off, I'd like to say that the rumors are true. I do indeed have a cyst, oh wait, this is Raquetblog. The rumors are true, Cat and I did not actually play the game of raquetball for our first match. We actually played tennis outside at the Alberta Park. Tennis? you say. Well, we didn't get our shit together, it was hot and humid and it was down to our last possible day to make an arrangement to play. We figured out what our priorities were (spending money on going out to breakfast and then playing tennis for free, or working out a plan to get to a raquetball court and)... We decided on breakfast with Halle and a sweaty game of tennis. You will notice, leaguemates, that the game IS logged as a win for Cat, which is also true. She did win the tennis match, fair and square. However, it is important to also know that we flipped a coin to determine if we would actually claim this as a real "win". Heads meant that Cat could claim it as a raquetball win, and tales meant we would flip again to see who would claim the game as a forfeited win.

Long story short, if you feel cheated I am positive I will make it up to you when you have to play me, because as I discovered from playing my match with Annalisa, raquetball is really hard and I am really bad at it. I'm afraid of the ball, I have no hustle, I don't actually understand many of the rules, and my best move is the phantom swing.

The phantom swing, is really embarrassing and I have only played with two of my better friends. I have a hard time imagining that it won't be incredibly awkward to phantom swing in front of a stranger. It's like going on a blind date or something and tooting audibly during the conversation. I alsocan't control my yelling when I miss the ball or when it comes flying at me. I can't help but think about my high school literature teacher, who was always walking around with kleenex in her hands because she had a constant drip coming out of her nose. Her face was slightly off, not like in an asymmetrical way, but because a RAQUETBALL had smacked into her face and she needed to have reconstructive surgery.

Whatever. I am glad to be active and am looking forward to improving immensely. I just need some coaching. So, if anybody wants to double up our games sometime, maybe we could coordinate together. Alright----see you on the court.

Standings

Player	Won	Lost	Pct
ben	2	0	1.000
cat	2	0	1.000
annalisa	1	0	1.000
zach	1	0	1.000
julia	1	0	1.000
anna	1	1	.500
shayna	0	0	.000
bobby	0	0	.000
maryann	0	1	.000
ledena	0	2	.000
halle	0	2	.000